Sunday, July 30, 2006

July 30, 2006

Hello My Love!

Today was not that great…

And I need to apologize to you because, I never planned for this.

I always thought that I would be in a loving, committed relationship before became a mother. I am sorry that I can’t give you the happy family I wanted for you. I told your Dad about you, and he just said we can’t be together, but if I need help to let him know…

This is the man who was once so in love with me as to say I was the best thing in my life besides his daughter. I am soooo sorry. I wanted you to know your Daddy, and to be a happy family… But I don’t think that will happen and for that I am heartbroken and truly sorry.

Please know that I love you sooooo much, and I would have done anything to make it happen…

But I have learned in life that...

This is an excerpt from the book I Wrote: Letters to Zane
Available September 2007

Thursday, July 27, 2006

July 27, 2006

Ok! So I am a little obsessive compulsive…

I took my first test on July 25, four days before my period was due…Positive but it was very light.

I am taking it early because I have been feeling very strange, I have had a metallic taste in my mouth since I got home from Vermont. I wasn’t sure if it was the water ( I made Scotty check all the filters!) or if I caught some weird disease from the mosquitos!

But… I looked up my symptoms online and one of the things that came up was pregnancy!So today, the 27th, I re-tested and again positive but darker… which I read online to mean that there is MORE pregnancy hormone present, and it doubles every few days.

I am getting sooo excited and just because I am a spaz; I tested again with a different brand. *Laughing*… and again positive!

I will believe it when I miss my period, test again, and see the doctor.I don’t know what the future holds, but I have been blessed!

I don’t know how to tell J, I’m scared.